The Idiocracy Files, Part 3: Republicans Seek to Create a New Country. It's Called Crackpotopia!!!
[On Monday Noah began chronicling a spate of 2012 "Idiocracy moments" that recalled for him Mike Judge's 2006 film Idiocracy, a look 500 years into the future at a world gone, well, you know. Yesterday he was back with more, and still his list of sightings overflowed. So today we have Part 3. -- Ed.]
All hail the new confederacy -- of dunces! For those about to secede, we salute you, with a finger raised high!
We knew that, if President Obama were to be reelected, the Republicans would completely lose what tiny remnants of sanity they had left. The precedent was there back in 2008, when their leaders at the FOX "News" channel and the rest of the hate-pundit universe went all crackers all the time after the first election of the man Republicans refer to as Barack Hussein Dark Lord Muslim Obama. They just keep going and going and going, beating their drum like some Energizer Bunny of doom, pushing the envelope of crazy into regions known only in asylums.
Sadly though, there can never be enough syringes of calming thorazine or other antipsychotic medications for all of the media wackjobs and health-hatin', gun-totin' citizen nutballs out there. With the reelection of their imaginary black-skin boogie man, they, their political allies, and the gullible subjects of their psychotic propaganda have entered a universe from which there seems to be no return. We are fully in a Civil War now, and the disgruntled want to secede.
IT'S NO SURPRISE THAT TEXAS LEADS THE WAY!
Even their freely chosen governor, Rick Perry, has hinted as much (with video at the link) as far back as 2009.
Even better, "actor" and McCain cheerleader Chuck Norris wants to be the president of Texas when that glorious day comes.
It's by a guy named Christopher Greene, who says that not only is President Obama using the horrific Sandy Hook murders to take away guns and subvert liberties, but concentration camps for those in Obama's way are next on the horizon. To the gullible low-information, angry citizen, this kind of thing is all too plausible and provides a target for their fears and frustrations. To people like Rush and Greene, what happened at Sandy Hook Elementary School was some sort of CIA psy-ops job. Greene is all over the place, as you will see. It's a fascinating look into the minds of the deranged, but Greene's brand of psychotic lunacy reaches a lot of people, especially when it is being promoted by FOX on-air personalities like Erik Rush.
It's not just about what we can see on FOX "News." It's about the people they promote and their views. When you take it all in together -- FOX, the WorldNetDailies, and the Christopher Greenes that do Internet broadcasting from the basement fringes or even abandoned-missile-silo survivalist encampments -- can it be any wonder that so many of the angry and foolish now talk about secession?
Remember Michele Bachmann's pronouncements about FEMA Camps? People believe this stuff, for real. Let's not forget that the Republican Party has already run a candidate for vice president who has ties to the Alaskan Secession movement and 50 million people voted for the ticket. She now has a job on FOX.
IT'S AMAZING HOW A BROADCAST CAN
MAKE PEOPLE BELIEVE ANYTHING!
Back on Halloween night in 1938, Orson Welles, then only 23, did his now-famous radio broadcast of H. G. Wells's War of the Worlds over the CBS network. It was a story about an invasion of Martian monsters.
It set off a panic among many of the listeners as they believed an actual Martian invasion was taking place in New Jersey. Just being on the radio gave the story a sheen of credibility, just like being on the TeeVee or Internets does in today's world. You think Roger Ailes doesn't know this?
Times were already uneasy. The economy was showing some signs of recovery from the Great Depression but was still shaky and news of war was in the air. So was paranoia. Sound familiar? Watch the clip. Note the call for able-bodied citizens to report to the sheriff to do battle with the monsters. Note the mention of "being watched" by the enemy as they planned our demise. To way too many Republicans, that monster is a Marxist secret-Muslim Martian who has already taken over the White House.
SO WE CAN LAUGH AT THE 2012 FREAKSHOW . . .
. . . that was Rick Perry and Herman Cain and Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum and Ron Paul and Michele Bachmann and, finally Willard Mitt Romney, as seemingly each week another of these people became the leading spokesperson or candidate of the Republican Party. We can laugh at the real leader of the party being an obese, sweaty man with a bag of Oxycontin in one hand and a bag of Dominican Viagra in the other who makes millions feeding the paranoid hate-filled frenzy.
We can laugh at the fringe hucksters and the fringe true believers alike, but, as we well know, not everyone is laughing. People who have critical-thinking powers will always laugh at such people -- laughing at some more than others. But half of the country is taken in by their warped messages about banning contraception, about rape just being another form of insemination, about how the president of the United States wasn't born here, about gays not being equal, about the evil of teachers unions (which among other things create gun-free zones), about how the very air isn't in danger, and how certain voters just "want stuff" (you know, free stuff), and, lastly but not the least, you better stock up on some weaponry and do it fast, because Obama is a-comin' for ya, you betcha.
WHERE WILL IT END?
Where does FOX want it to end? What violence does Rupert Murdoch crave? In service of whom? What will set the employees of FOX off into a wave of high-fiving? We now have a Civil War without borders so it's not just an issue of which states want to go. Republicans are everywhere. I'm very tempted to say, "Just let the South go again." They will never stop fighting the first Civil War. When Texas goes, we can keep Austin and San Antonio and just set them up like postwar Berlin.
People in the other states who want to go too can go, I suppose. I'll even give 'em a choice: They don't have to call their new country Crackpotopia. They can call it Transvaginalia, for all I care. If they don't want to be here, get the fuck out. Let them all go. They blather on about the founding fathers and the Constitution a lot, but they don't seem to understand that we were originally built as a confederation of disparate colonies/states working together.
Let them all go and take all their passionate negativity and nihilism and set up their dream Taliban in their right-to-work-for-less states. They can all go, as soon as they agree to accept no more money whatsoever from the United States federal government. They must service and secure their own ports with their own money. They must close their military bases, which the U.S. government pays for with our taxes. They must form their own Coast Guard and Navy to protect their shores. Let their highways disintegrate into nothingness, and let their bridges collapse. Let them be responsible for their own borders with no foreign aid -- that dreaded foreign aid, from us.
Let them turn to full-time moonshining and meth-cooking to raise whatever money they need. Let them teach their kids that their forebears rode dinosaurs at the beginning of time 6000 years ago. Let them feed themselves as their states turn into modern-day dustbowls because of the global warming they don't believe in. They can live on a diet of Twizzlers and jerky. Twinkies are no longer on the table, since those mean, mean union workers wanted a fair shake.
There must also be no federal involvement from us in regulating the safety of any other food they can process or water they drink. They can get their own Centers for Disease Control. They are on their own. Let them all die of ebola, cholera, and, perhaps the inevitable, cannibalism. Eventually, of course, they will form their own versions of Hamas, and we will begin shelling eachother. They will miss the irony.
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